Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A Fresh Start

Hokay Big Things are happening. First, I am now living in Connecticut. It is awesome. The move started back in November when I unfortunately lost my awesome job as a receptionist due to lack of business. This truly sucked because not only is the salon an amazing place to work, but I was just starting to get close to some of the people that still work there. However, if I hadn't lost the job then I'd still be living at home. Losing my job was quite a blow. I have been working either part or full time since I was 18 and I can honestly say that I have never been fired before. It ended up being ok though because getting laid off really forced me to take the next step in my life. This step was GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE! Now, this was a pretty easy decision to make. My sister has been asking me maybe once or twice a month now for the last two years to move in with her and her family. And so I moved out of my parents' basement in New Jersey (Yay me!) and into my sister's lovely abode in Connecticut. And it is because of this move that I can honestly say I'm 23 years old and now have my very own room for the first time in my life. Now, I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, it is my nephew's nursery. But now the Zack Attack and Joker share a room so I took the vacancy. Here's the thing about having my own room: I love it. Being one of five girls in a ten child family I was always sharing a room. Even when I moved back home after a brief affair with Voldemort, I still had to share the family room in which my couch/bed was located. So I don't even care that there is a giant purple octopus on the wall. I don't even mind the whale or the mermaid! Fyi, the theme of the nursery is "Under the Sea." In case you couldn't tell. All of these things are easily taken care of by my own personal touches. So, peace out creepy eel cave that glows in the dark! Your new name is Dwight Schrute!

Now, here's the thing about moving to Connecticut, while it is awesome spending time with my sister (one of my closest pals btdubbz) and my brother in law (who is more of a real brother to me anyway) I am here to focus. As of today I am unemployed, uneducated, and overweight. I will address all of these in order.

1) Unemployment: Actually, I already talked to you about that so let's just say that the search has begun. I have applied to several places in the area and sincerely hope that I get hired soon. I need to start meeting people here otherwise my only friends will be my sister and BIL (bro-in-law).

2) My education: I have attended several years of college but am taking a break for the umpteenth time. While I am here, part of my plan is to figure my shit out. Meaning I need to decide on what I want to do (I have it narrowed down to two options!) and figure out what steps need to be taken in order to achieve it. If this means more school then I will have to suck it up , listen to Elle Woods, and take it like a man.

3) My Weight: I have been a curvy girl all my life. And up until the summer of 2008, I loved it. I never had any issues with my body until a (now) ex-boyfriend of mine (remember Voldemort?) told me I needed to lose weight. I can honestly tell you invisible readers that when he said that, he rocked my world, and not in the good way. Here's a little backstory for you: Voldemort (name changed to protect the pathetic) was my first real love. There had been two guys before him, one I thought I loved, and one I didn't. Anyway, when it came to Voldemort I couldn't believe that he wanted to be with me. He was by far the most attractive guy I'd ever been in a relationship with, he was nice, he was sweet, he was good to me. He even got along great with my family. In my eyes all of these things made him a good boyfriend. Then one night, maybe 4 or 5 months after we started dating, it happened. We were walking from his car to his house and we had to pass another car in the parking lot (he lived in a town-home type of situation). There were a few people in the car but I didn't really think anything of it. As we walked passed the car some guy in the front seat shouted out the window "Yeah! Hit that fat chick!" to Voldemort. Now, there was no way he didn't hear him, but Voldemort didn't say a word in my defense, and just kept on walking. When we got inside I asked him if he'd heard what the jackass had said. His answer? "Yeah, I heard him but there's nothing I could've done about it. Maybe he has a point." I was too shocked at his words to even respond, so I just went to bed and never brought it up again. A couple months later we were on vacation with my family and Voldemort offered me a deal: he would quit smoking if I were to join a workout program. I loathed the fact that he smoked. He smelled of tobacco all the time and it honest to dog was like licking an ashtray. So I took him up on it. Only the problem was he didn't keep his end of the bargain, and I hated this program so we both quit. Things went on like this for a while. He would constantly be telling me that I wasn't thin enough for him and he even asked me once how I thought he could go on loving me, looking the way that I did. Obviously the guy was a little shit. But I was so in love with him and so scared of losing him that I took everything he said seriously. So I would try. I would go to the gym every once in a while, take a zumba class, and stuff like that but my heart just wasn't in it. I constantly felt like I was being judged by him. In fact, the first time we broke up ( it happened twice) it was due to a fight that started when I told him I hated the diet I was on. I realize now that I hated working out because I was doing it for him, not for myself. After a little over a year ( I know it took a year!) Voldemort and I broke up. The devastation caused me to lose my appetite and some of the weight that I had recently put on. I liked the way I looked without those few extra pounds and more importantly I liked the way I felt. At that point in time I was torn because I wanted to lose more weight, but I didn't want him to think that it was to win him back or anything. I wanted him to know that I could be happy in my body, no matter how much flab was on it. I wanted him to see that other guys would find me attractive, even if he no longer did. Our breakup was a year and a half ago. In that time I have definitely wrestled with myself in terms of my body "issues." I knew I wanted to lose weight, get in shape, and just look better overall, but I was so worried that it would seem like I was doing it for him. Like there was a great battle over the future of my body and he won. (I know it's a totally effed way of thinking but it's ok, the good part is coming up.) Thankfully, after all this darkness I began to see the light. Recently my oldest sister (the one I moved in with) has gotten in AMAZING shape. Between the running, the workout classes, and her new eating habits my already beautiful sister has turned into quite the MILF. My sister is a wonderful, generous (she let me move into her house, duh she's generous) amazing human being. She and BIL are raising three fantastic children, two dogs, and now they've taken me on. This woman was all the inspiration I needed to get myself on the right track for shaping up. She is already a HUGE inspiration in my life and she just keeps on getting better. One of the best things about being up here is the fact that I'm here for myself. To focus on ME and what it's going to take to become the best version of myself possible. Having my sister here to continually encourage and inspire me is all I need to make the freshest start possible.

PS: This is what I look like right now. I know, I'm adorable right? So it can only get better from here :)

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