Who's awesome? I'M AWESOME!

Ok, so today was FANTASTIC! Went to work, ran after small children all morning and one of my coworkers commented on how I'm looking smaller these days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was beyond thrilled! Elated even! Because as all 4 of you know, I have been extremely frustrated with doing all this hard work and seeing no results! That one compliment made my day. Seriously though. The past couple days I've kinda been noticing that my shirts were feeling a little loose in certain areas but I wasn't sure if I was just making it all up in my head. And then right when I least expected it, BLAMMO! My first compliment on my already foine, soon-to-be smokin' bod. It was the perfect timing too because today marked exactly one month since I made the move to the Great North. Check this though: as great as that moment was for me, it WASN'T the only awesome thing that happened today. Let me set the scene.

Tonight, 7:24: Zumba. I walk in the double doors, take a deep breath of that old hockey equipment air, and saunter over to the front window, where I expect to get my dose of my usually twice weekly fill of flirty banter. Btdubbz, this is the gym that I don't belong to, so I was sauntering for the cute boy who tricked me into signing up. I walk, sorry, I saunter over to the window, and what do I see? Some fourteen year old kid, who didn't even check to see if I was a member. I mean really, if they are just going to assume I'm a member then why, oh WHY am I paying?? Except I guess it's ok, because the cute one always remembers me (by name!!), so I guess he doesn't really need to check my card. Anyway, upon seeing the little turdling I sign the paper and walk downstairs to the Zumba room to join my fellow booty shakers. Then what to my wondering eyes should appear? The cute guy from upstairs and eight tiny reindeer! Just kidding, there were no reindeer. The Brawny paper towel guy (original version, not the new average Joe guy) and three of his other friends decided to take the class tonight!!!! It was pretty hilarious because he has very little coordination but it was still adorable. I have never taken a Zumba class with guys in it before (except for this one time, but he wasn't that cute and his wife was there so it didn't really count) so I was a little nervy-poo but I soon got over it, as I saw this as an opportunity to show him that I know how to shake what my momma and the Big Guy upstairs so kindly bestowed upon me. Having these incredibly cute guys there was actually more motivation for me to put my all into the class. I doubt they'll show up again, and really I don't even know why they were there to begin with, but at least now I have some more ammo for Monday's flirt sesh. Oh yeah! I also noticed during the class that my workout pants are ever so slightly too big for me! Aren't I just so awesome???? I'm glad they have a drawstring on them because I just bought them like 2 weeks ago. And as excited as I am to lose more weight, my wallet is not looking forward to it as much.

A Happy Galentine's Day to All!!!!!

The first thing I'd like to discuss is that I may have a stalker. Or he's at least someone who just can't take the hint. And I don't really know how to handle the situation, mainly because I've never before been presented with such an issue. So I'm opening the floor up to you fine people and asking you to tell me what to do. I met this guy last week at work and did not get a great first impression. The next day he came and talked to me again and I tried to make it clear that I had no interest in speaking with him. For example, I read my book while he was talking to me and gave one word answers if I chose to respond at all. He then proceeded to ask me out for dinner. I told him that being new to the area and all I was still settling in and crazy busy with work and blah blah blah hoping he would get the picture. That was Friday. In the past 72 hours I have received 15 text messages (all with the same sentence: "Hey, it's Bob Lob Law." Literally all of them say the exact same thing.), and 4 phone calls. I have responded to NONE of these attempts to contact me. He also somehow found me on fabo, which was odd to me because he not once has called me by my correct name. He has only called me Nicole. And let's face it, there are like a trillion girls named Nicole out there, so it's kinda strange that he found me so quickly. At this point I am at a loss. I haven't even had the chance to be flattered by this attention because he has just come on waaaaaaay too strong. I don't want to tell him that I'm not looking to date because if word gets around the gym then I'm totally effed. There are some super hot, super nice guys that I've been getting my flirt on with and that kind of rumor would kill all the work I've done. That is all I've got to say on the matter. Now tell me what to do. And now onto bigger and more important things!



Today I received these two Valentine's:









The one on the right is from the Zack Attack (he made it himself!) and the one on the left is from the love of my life. Yes, Homer gave me a Valentine. And yeah ok, maybe it was my sister who bought said Valentine and even forged his name but I knew that he was thinking of me. Because he really loves me. You know how I know? It's because he loves to snuggle with me even when I'm in my sweats and wearing my glasses. That little (he's pretty big actually) pup is just the best thing that ever happened to me. If I never move out of my sister's house it will only be because I couldn't bear leaving that cuddly canine. Ok, here's the thing: I LOVE Valentine's Day. I really do. And not just because I'm a total and complete, hopeless romantic. I mean, I am a romantic, but I wouldn't describe myself as hopeless. Actually, I think Valentine's Day just brings out the girly-girl in me. And yes, I suppose I would have to agree with you when you point out that not only am I the girliest of girls, but I let that side of me out every day. And it's true, it does annoy me that my entire work uniform is black, so much so that I've bought black workout pants that have pink accents on the inside and a pink drawstring. My boss can't see it but I know it's there. And perhaps I have also invested in an new pair of cross trainers that are mostly white but with pink trim. In fact, I am almost positive that my love for Valentine's (get it?) is greatly influenced by the increased use of my favorite color in every day decor. And I don't see anything wrong with that. I know a lot of people are down on Valentine's Day. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I had to hear someone bash this lovely day, then I would have......I don't know. A lot of nickels. I'm bad at math. The thing that I hate about Valentine's Day is that many (not all, but MANY) attitudes towards the holiday change from year to year, based on whether or not a person HAS a Valentine that year. Well guess what. That is the wrong way to live people! Whether or not you have a man or lady by your side should not EVER have an affect on your happiness or sense of self-worth. Let's face it, almost everybody wants to be with someone else in some way or another. But rushing into a relationship right before Valentine's or simply bemoaning the fact that you have nobody to spend the day with, is just depressing. That means you're either A) So insecure and desperate to be involved with someone on Valentine's Day that you just don't care who you're with, which btdubbz, does not say much for your self respect, or B) Telling yourself that without a significant other, you are not allowed to be happy. THESE THOUGHT PROCESSES ARE NOT OK! Here's the thing: in the Grand Scheme of Things, having a Valentine is just not that important. Unless you're married. And even then it's really not a big deal, because you're married. You've found the love of your life and unless you met each other or exchanged your vows on Valentine's Day, it really won't seem that big a deal ten years down the road. Take myself for example. The only Valentine's Day that I ever actually had a legit Valentine was wonderful. We took a trip up to Boston for the weekend, did dinner, I was given a beautiful necklace, we spent every second of that weekend together. It honestly was everything I had hoped it would be. Well, wouldn't you know that my wonderful, once seemingly perfect Valentine turned out to be none other than the Dark Lord himself? It's true. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was once a very romantic guy. So while that one weekend was filled with love and absolute bliss, it wasn't enough to forget the bad things and it certainly could not make up for the utter shit that I went through for the whole rest of the year. I suppose my point is that nothing is permanent. It doesn't last forever. So whether or not your boyfriend/girlfriend/stalker/crush/no strings hookup buddy that you not-so-secretly have feelings for, sent you flowers or a card or even a heart candy that says "u FOINE" on the front, is not going to matter ten years from now because let's be real here, it'll be nothing short of a miracle. And if the stars really are aligned perfectly and you do by some small miracle end up together, you can always tell the story about how you got a high five for your first Valentine's Day instead of a dozen blood red roses with the thorns cut off so you don't prick your pwecious little fingfings.

Impatient: a flower AND an emotion. Is it an emotion actually? I don't know...

Before the four of you read any further you need to stop, and download Avril Lavigne's new single "What the Hell" because it's a ton of fun and I've decided that it's my new anthem and should be yours too. Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way it's time to talk about my latest issue. As you may or may not know I have recently found my calling. I have decided that I should become a Disney Wedding Planner. Yes, they exist. I made this decision after watching David Tutera's Disney Dream Wedding special. Once I stopped crying (it was just too moving, really) it became clear to me that this profession is for me. However I have no idea how to make it happen. This is where you guys come in. HOW DO I MAKE THIS HAPPEN???? Step one is to become an actual wedding planner, or at least start working with one. Here's the thing: I am incredibly impatient. Seriously. I've been exercising on a very regular basis but only for the past two weeks. Even though it's only been a couple weeks I am getting impatient trying to see results. And yes it's really supposed to be all about the way I feel, but I feel great! I really do. I'm sleeping better, my skin looks great (though that may be due to my AMAZING facial cleanser. I have very temperamental skin so I have to spend a bundle on face wash but the result is worth it.), and I've been making pretty good eating decisions. Right now I'm focusing on cutting down my portions and adding more veggies into my diet. I'm being very good SO WHERE ARE MY RESULTS??????????????????????? As you can see I'm a tad bit frustrated. I'm really hoping to see some results (and by that I mean just a couple pounds, or maybe my clothes fitting me a little better. I'm not expecting miracles here) soon because I feel like once I can see physical results, I will probably be more motivated. It's hard not to get discouraged but I'm hanging in there.

The "C" Word

Not that word. I'm talking about COMMITMENT. In the past couple weeks that I have been working on my 3 step plan, I have come to realize that I have a HUGE fear of this. The weird thing is that I'm not really scared of being committed to a relationship, it's more or less my Future. I don't know if it's because  my parents both changed their careers after 30-something years, or if it's due to the fact that for four years I attended a school where if someone dared utter the "F" word, three quarters of the student body would drop to the fetal position and beg for mercy while purposely failing their classes. The fact is that it does not matter what caused this anxiety, it exists. Every time I think of where I'll be five years from now my breathing gets all ragged and my throat gets tight and parched. This cannot be a good sign. Here's the thing, the problem is that there are a bunch of things that I can see myself doing and being successful but there isn't that ONE thing that I am completely passionate about. There were times when I thought I was though. Like that time I was a journalism major right out of high school(what???), or the time when I decided I was going to be a cosmetologist...For the record, I did enjoy doing hair (and sometimes still do) but the pressure of having to do it every day and be PERFECT, was not for me. I mean I guess it's good that I'm trying things so I can find out what works and eliminate what doesn't, but the problem is that I haven't found anything that works yet. I love writing, because I'm hilarious, but I don't think I would be successful if I tried to force it out of me. It's pretty much the reason I'm terrified of trying stand up comedy. I know I'm funny, it's just more of a spontaneous kind of thing. I don't think I would be as funny if I tried to write it. What I'm pretty much focused on right now is event planning. Like weddings and parties and stuff. I feel like it's a good fit for me because A) I LOVE DAVID TUTERA AND EVERYTHING HE DOES!!! I even got to meet him with some friends over the summer. It was amazing!!!! B)It's a consistent job but with enough variety that I don't think I will get bored and C)I just love weddings. And parties in general. I know I would be good at this. 
My main issue now is figuring out how to go about doing this because even though there are many amazing and talented Party Planners out there, it's not exactly like schools have a major for this kind of thing. Which is pretty stupid if you ask me. 


This is us with David!! I'm the one to his left, obv. And yes we did make t-shirts. Jealous?

"When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead!"

The above is a quote from my new fave show, "How I Met Your Mother." I just started watching this show a couple months ago so I'm only like one or two seasons in (I'm dvr-ing them)but I'm COMPLETELY in love with it!!! The other night I was watching the episode where *SPOILER ALERT* Marshall and Lily have broken up and he is trying to get along without her. It was the saddest, most realistic, and overall best episode I have seen yet. Marshall (played by my future husband, Jason Segel) was the most realistic dump-ee that I have seen on tv or in film. Exception: Peter Bretter who is ALSO played by this handsome devil:

 Marshall was basically a broken down, sobbing, no pants-wearing, shell of a man. This went on for weeks and weeks and weeks until finally he was able to get up off his couch and make some pancakes. If you haven't seen this episode, I sincerely recommend it. And not just because Jason Segel is just so adorable, but because as someone with some experience in this area, I would definitely say that it is a realistic portrayal of his situation. The writers and actors really got to the core of what Marshall was going through, but they also had a great handle on what his friends (the rest of the cast, obv) were going through as well. Oh and I would also recommend the episode before it if you want a little background info plus some crazy good acting. It's all very sad and difficult to watch at times but never fear guys, it's a happy ending.


Ok, now that I'm done with that rant, I can brag about something awesome!!! I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!! I will be working in the child-watch center at the gym next door to BIL's place of work. It's pretty great actually. I'll be getting paid to hang out with kids all day PLUS a free membership to the gym! So that's pretty cool. It really works well with my workout schedule because I can either go in early and take a class or I can stay after and do some cardio or whatevah. Now, this brings me to the my next item of discussion...It's very embarrassing but I'm going to share my story with y'all anyway. On Monday night I went to a Zumba class at another gym. This is my third time taking this woman's class and she is AMAZING!!! She makes the class super fun and I always feel like I'm learning how to shake what my momma gave me whilst getting a crazy good workout. It is definitely a class I was planning on continuing to take even though I have a free membership just because it is so hard to find an amazing instructor sometimes and she really is all that and a bag of chips. Anyway, Monday night I walk into the gym and go to pay my 15 dollas for the class and I see that there is this REALLY cute guy working the desk. We're not talking run-of-the-mill average looking Joe either, we are talking like, Brawny paper towel guy kind of looks. So I go to pay for the class, and the guy is being super flirty with me and totally making me late for class (but hey, who am I to complain?) by trying to talk me into buying a membership for this gym. Now, I know for a fact that these guys do not get money for making a sale but I do know that they get credit. And this guy was soooo cute that I actually found myself considering it. And then, long story short, I found myself actually signing up for the thing! Next thing I knew, I was a new member. At this gym, where I do not work. Womp WOMMMMMP! I mean, it's not too, too bad. After all, the membership is 60 bucks a month, which is what I'd be paying anyway if I only go to Zumba once a week, so it's not a huuuuge difference. But the point of the story is that I let a super cute guy talk me into buying a membership at a gym when I already have a FREE one to the gym down the street. It was not my proudest moment, but I think we can all agree that it could have been waaaaaaaaaaay worse. You can all stop laughing at me now.

That voodoo that I do

This weekend was EXHAUSTING!!! But in the very best of ways. I had some serious gal pal time with two AMAZING ladies and it was Sistah #1's birthday weekend!! Her actual birthday isn't until tomorrow but whatevah! Anyway, the weekend started off perfectly with Margaret (one of my besties) arriving friday evening. We decided that the best way to spend our time together was to get hammered. And so we went to this sports bar about fifteen minutes away from us. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, I knew beforehand that it was a sports bar. It was really great though because when we were at the bar there were tv's pretty much everywhere and of the two tv's that were in front of us, one was playing some basketball game (I think it was the Celtics versus whoever) and the other was broadcasting a Maroon 5 concert. So every time we clapped and got excited for the band (that Adam Levine is foine!!!!!) it looked like we were cheering for something involving the game and therefore made us look like we really were there for the sports and not for the guys, even though we all know the real truth.  Speaking of which, I know it's only two hours away from the dirty Jerz but the guys up here are so different! For instance, they all had their own individual style. There wasn't a blowout or Ed Hardy shirt in sight, and they all looked like they showered sometime in the last 5 hours! It was pleasantly shocking. Anyway, four beers and a shot of Jaeger later, we decided to call it a night and peaced on outta there. Saturday brought the departure of Margaret but it also delivered the arrival of my very good friend, Red. Together we helped celebrate my sister's birthday by pounding back delightful beverages consisting of Malibu, pineapple juice, and a splash of grenadine. I would absolutely recommend this drink because not only is it DELISH but it looks really pretty too. We decided that it was just like a tequila sunrise, only it tasted good. Because it wasn't made with tequila. All in all it was a great night. Sadly she had to get back home because she's a grown up and has this thing called a "job", something I will hopefully have tomorrow after my interview (!!!!). But before I let her depart we treated ourselves to mani/pedis. This was a pretty difficult task because half the nail salons (along with ALL liquor stores) in CT are closed on Sundays!! But after much adventuring on our part we finally found one! It was also only 30 dollas for both mani and pedi- not a terrible deal. We had a great time catching up but the very best part of her visit was that after she read this very bloggy, she decided I needed to rid my life of terrible people and she brought me a little something to...help out. Here is a picture: 

It's a voodoo doll. Like, a legit voodoo doll from a voodoo priestess in NOLA. AND it came with instructions that I MUST share with you!!!!

Step 1: Lie down the voodoo doll on table or hang on the wall.

Step 2: Close your eyes and concentrate deeply on you victim or enemies at (office, school, exwife, etc.) or friend (any person you intend to help)

Step 3: White pin is for good luck, Black pin is for evil!

Step 4: FOR EXTRA POWERS CALL THE VOODOO KING IN NEW ORLEANS TO ORDER YOUR DOUBLE PINS FOR DOUBLE POWER.

You're welcome.

Rockstar status!!!

Alright let's just dive right in today shall we? First of all I'd like to say that I was a total ROCKSTAR today. I began the day with some yoga. Let me just say that this was the first yoga class I've taken in like, 3 years. It was a little intense but I can honestly say I put a hundred percent into it. I find it so fascinating how you can get in touch with the different parts of your body just by using certain positions and breathing techniques. For instance, my entire left side (especially my legs) is so much tighter than my right. I have to work twice as hard to get my left side relaxed and loosened up. Now, I think all four of you readers will be proud of me when you hear about how I handled my personal dilemma today. I was making lunch for myself and my nephew and for like ten minutes I found myself debating over whether or not I should make myself the same thing as the Zack Attack. He was feasting upon a fluffernutter. I'm sure you all know what a fluffernutter is but just in case you're a total weirdo, a fluffernutter is a sandwich made of peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. My debate consisted of all sorts of inner turmoil (Not really, it wasn't that dramatic).But I did find myself trying to rationalize my choice of sandwich. Here's what my inner monologue was like: "Well, the peanut butter is reduced fat...and I could only have a half a sandwich...and it is whole grain bread..." it went on like this for a little while. Then I decided to have a bowl of progresso chicken noodle (Light, of course) with a side of some pop chips. And guess what? It was delish!!! Proud? Yep I thought so.


Moving to the Great North (that's what I'm calling CT now. I mean, there is so much snow here!) has brought me two indescribably wonderful things. So wonderful, so amazing, that I just can't believe that I went my whole life without these things involved in it. The first is Bumble and Bumble Hair Tonic. I know it's a hair product but seriously, my new stylist (a freaking genius btubbz) introduced me to it and it is AMAZING!!!! It is just so good!!! I'm growing my hair out a bit longer and it tends to break after a while and the tonic just adds all these extra vitamins and stuff back into my hair to keep it healthy. It is awesome. 

The next wonderfully amazing thing to happen to me is Homer. Homer is one of the two dogs that I now live with. I have never had a pet before but I have always known that I was a dog person. Holly and Homer are the names of my new dogs and they're both great but Homer is amazing. He's so great that I don't even mind that my clothes are constantly covered in dog hair! True story! I honestly feel like I have found my soulmate, only he is trapped in a dog's body. Is that weird? Probably. Seriously though. He loves to snuggle. In fact, as I was writing this he came downstairs and laid down right on my feet! He always initiates hand/paw holding. He's just so sweet and laid back and cuddly. The dogs aren't supposed to be in the bedrooms but Homeslice is just so cute that I sometimes let him hang out whilst I journal. Don't tell on us though, we'll get in big trouble.


Look at this face. Go ahead and try to tell me you'd say no to him.