Sunday, January 30, 2011

That voodoo that I do

This weekend was EXHAUSTING!!! But in the very best of ways. I had some serious gal pal time with two AMAZING ladies and it was Sistah #1's birthday weekend!! Her actual birthday isn't until tomorrow but whatevah! Anyway, the weekend started off perfectly with Margaret (one of my besties) arriving friday evening. We decided that the best way to spend our time together was to get hammered. And so we went to this sports bar about fifteen minutes away from us. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, I knew beforehand that it was a sports bar. It was really great though because when we were at the bar there were tv's pretty much everywhere and of the two tv's that were in front of us, one was playing some basketball game (I think it was the Celtics versus whoever) and the other was broadcasting a Maroon 5 concert. So every time we clapped and got excited for the band (that Adam Levine is foine!!!!!) it looked like we were cheering for something involving the game and therefore made us look like we really were there for the sports and not for the guys, even though we all know the real truth.  Speaking of which, I know it's only two hours away from the dirty Jerz but the guys up here are so different! For instance, they all had their own individual style. There wasn't a blowout or Ed Hardy shirt in sight, and they all looked like they showered sometime in the last 5 hours! It was pleasantly shocking. Anyway, four beers and a shot of Jaeger later, we decided to call it a night and peaced on outta there. Saturday brought the departure of Margaret but it also delivered the arrival of my very good friend, Red. Together we helped celebrate my sister's birthday by pounding back delightful beverages consisting of Malibu, pineapple juice, and a splash of grenadine. I would absolutely recommend this drink because not only is it DELISH but it looks really pretty too. We decided that it was just like a tequila sunrise, only it tasted good. Because it wasn't made with tequila. All in all it was a great night. Sadly she had to get back home because she's a grown up and has this thing called a "job", something I will hopefully have tomorrow after my interview (!!!!). But before I let her depart we treated ourselves to mani/pedis. This was a pretty difficult task because half the nail salons (along with ALL liquor stores) in CT are closed on Sundays!! But after much adventuring on our part we finally found one! It was also only 30 dollas for both mani and pedi- not a terrible deal. We had a great time catching up but the very best part of her visit was that after she read this very bloggy, she decided I needed to rid my life of terrible people and she brought me a little something to...help out. Here is a picture: 

It's a voodoo doll. Like, a legit voodoo doll from a voodoo priestess in NOLA. AND it came with instructions that I MUST share with you!!!!
Step 1: Lie down the voodoo doll on table or hang on the wall.
Step 2: Close your eyes and concentrate deeply on you victim or enemies at (office, school, exwife, etc.) or friend (any person you intend to help)
Step 3: White pin is for good luck, Black pin is for evil!
Step 4: FOR EXTRA POWERS CALL THE VOODOO KING IN NEW ORLEANS TO ORDER YOUR DOUBLE PINS FOR DOUBLE POWER.

You're welcome.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Rockstar status!!!

Alright let's just dive right in today shall we? First of all I'd like to say that I was a total ROCKSTAR today. I began the day with some yoga. Let me just say that this was the first yoga class I've taken in like, 3 years. It was a little intense but I can honestly say I put a hundred percent into it. I find it so fascinating how you can get in touch with the different parts of your body just by using certain positions and breathing techniques. For instance, my entire left side (especially my legs) is so much tighter than my right. I have to work twice as hard to get my left side relaxed and loosened up. Now, I think all four of you readers will be proud of me when you hear about how I handled my personal dilemma today. I was making lunch for myself and my nephew and for like ten minutes I found myself debating over whether or not I should make myself the same thing as the Zack Attack. He was feasting upon a fluffernutter. I'm sure you all know what a fluffernutter is but just in case you're a total weirdo, a fluffernutter is a sandwich made of peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. My debate consisted of all sorts of inner turmoil (Not really, it wasn't that dramatic).But I did find myself trying to rationalize my choice of sandwich. Here's what my inner monologue was like: "Well, the peanut butter is reduced fat...and I could only have a half a sandwich...and it is whole grain bread..." it went on like this for a little while. Then I decided to have a bowl of progresso chicken noodle (Light, of course) with a side of some pop chips. And guess what? It was delish!!! Proud? Yep I thought so.


Moving to the Great North (that's what I'm calling CT now. I mean, there is so much snow here!) has brought me two indescribably wonderful things. So wonderful, so amazing, that I just can't believe that I went my whole life without these things involved in it. The first is Bumble and Bumble Hair Tonic. I know it's a hair product but seriously, my new stylist (a freaking genius btubbz) introduced me to it and it is AMAZING!!!! It is just so good!!! I'm growing my hair out a bit longer and it tends to break after a while and the tonic just adds all these extra vitamins and stuff back into my hair to keep it healthy. It is awesome. 




The next wonderfully amazing thing to happen to me is Homer. Homer is one of the two dogs that I now live with. I have never had a pet before but I have always known that I was a dog person. Holly and Homer are the names of my new dogs and they're both great but Homer is amazing. He's so great that I don't even mind that my clothes are constantly covered in dog hair! True story! I honestly feel like I have found my soulmate, only he is trapped in a dog's body. Is that weird? Probably. Seriously though. He loves to snuggle. In fact, as I was writing this he came downstairs and laid down right on my feet! He always initiates hand/paw holding. He's just so sweet and laid back and cuddly. The dogs aren't supposed to be in the bedrooms but Homeslice is just so cute that I sometimes let him hang out whilst I journal. Don't tell on us though, we'll get in big trouble.


Look at this face. Go ahead and try to tell me you'd say no to him.



Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A Fresh Start

Hokay Big Things are happening. First, I am now living in Connecticut. It is awesome. The move started back in November when I unfortunately lost my awesome job as a receptionist due to lack of business. This truly sucked because not only is the salon an amazing place to work, but I was just starting to get close to some of the people that still work there. However, if I hadn't lost the job then I'd still be living at home. Losing my job was quite a blow. I have been working either part or full time since I was 18 and I can honestly say that I have never been fired before. It ended up being ok though because getting laid off really forced me to take the next step in my life. This step was GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE! Now, this was a pretty easy decision to make. My sister has been asking me maybe once or twice a month now for the last two years to move in with her and her family. And so I moved out of my parents' basement in New Jersey (Yay me!) and into my sister's lovely abode in Connecticut. And it is because of this move that I can honestly say I'm 23 years old and now have my very own room for the first time in my life. Now, I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, it is my nephew's nursery. But now the Zack Attack and Joker share a room so I took the vacancy. Here's the thing about having my own room: I love it. Being one of five girls in a ten child family I was always sharing a room. Even when I moved back home after a brief affair with Voldemort, I still had to share the family room in which my couch/bed was located. So I don't even care that there is a giant purple octopus on the wall. I don't even mind the whale or the mermaid! Fyi, the theme of the nursery is "Under the Sea." In case you couldn't tell. All of these things are easily taken care of by my own personal touches. So, peace out creepy eel cave that glows in the dark! Your new name is Dwight Schrute!

Now, here's the thing about moving to Connecticut, while it is awesome spending time with my sister (one of my closest pals btdubbz) and my brother in law (who is more of a real brother to me anyway) I am here to focus. As of today I am unemployed, uneducated, and overweight. I will address all of these in order.

1) Unemployment: Actually, I already talked to you about that so let's just say that the search has begun. I have applied to several places in the area and sincerely hope that I get hired soon. I need to start meeting people here otherwise my only friends will be my sister and BIL (bro-in-law).

2) My education: I have attended several years of college but am taking a break for the umpteenth time. While I am here, part of my plan is to figure my shit out. Meaning I need to decide on what I want to do (I have it narrowed down to two options!) and figure out what steps need to be taken in order to achieve it. If this means more school then I will have to suck it up , listen to Elle Woods, and take it like a man.

3) My Weight: I have been a curvy girl all my life. And up until the summer of 2008, I loved it. I never had any issues with my body until a (now) ex-boyfriend of mine (remember Voldemort?) told me I needed to lose weight. I can honestly tell you invisible readers that when he said that, he rocked my world, and not in the good way. Here's a little backstory for you: Voldemort (name changed to protect the pathetic) was my first real love. There had been two guys before him, one I thought I loved, and one I didn't. Anyway, when it came to Voldemort I couldn't believe that he wanted to be with me. He was by far the most attractive guy I'd ever been in a relationship with, he was nice, he was sweet, he was good to me. He even got along great with my family. In my eyes all of these things made him a good boyfriend. Then one night, maybe 4 or 5 months after we started dating, it happened. We were walking from his car to his house and we had to pass another car in the parking lot (he lived in a town-home type of situation). There were a few people in the car but I didn't really think anything of it. As we walked passed the car some guy in the front seat shouted out the window "Yeah! Hit that fat chick!" to Voldemort. Now, there was no way he didn't hear him, but Voldemort didn't say a word in my defense, and just kept on walking. When we got inside I asked him if he'd heard what the jackass had said. His answer? "Yeah, I heard him but there's nothing I could've done about it. Maybe he has a point." I was too shocked at his words to even respond, so I just went to bed and never brought it up again. A couple months later we were on vacation with my family and Voldemort offered me a deal: he would quit smoking if I were to join a workout program. I loathed the fact that he smoked. He smelled of tobacco all the time and it honest to dog was like licking an ashtray. So I took him up on it. Only the problem was he didn't keep his end of the bargain, and I hated this program so we both quit. Things went on like this for a while. He would constantly be telling me that I wasn't thin enough for him and he even asked me once how I thought he could go on loving me, looking the way that I did. Obviously the guy was a little shit. But I was so in love with him and so scared of losing him that I took everything he said seriously. So I would try. I would go to the gym every once in a while, take a zumba class, and stuff like that but my heart just wasn't in it. I constantly felt like I was being judged by him. In fact, the first time we broke up ( it happened twice) it was due to a fight that started when I told him I hated the diet I was on. I realize now that I hated working out because I was doing it for him, not for myself. After a little over a year ( I know it took a year!) Voldemort and I broke up. The devastation caused me to lose my appetite and some of the weight that I had recently put on. I liked the way I looked without those few extra pounds and more importantly I liked the way I felt. At that point in time I was torn because I wanted to lose more weight, but I didn't want him to think that it was to win him back or anything. I wanted him to know that I could be happy in my body, no matter how much flab was on it. I wanted him to see that other guys would find me attractive, even if he no longer did. Our breakup was a year and a half ago. In that time I have definitely wrestled with myself in terms of my body "issues." I knew I wanted to lose weight, get in shape, and just look better overall, but I was so worried that it would seem like I was doing it for him. Like there was a great battle over the future of my body and he won. (I know it's a totally effed way of thinking but it's ok, the good part is coming up.) Thankfully, after all this darkness I began to see the light. Recently my oldest sister (the one I moved in with) has gotten in AMAZING shape. Between the running, the workout classes, and her new eating habits my already beautiful sister has turned into quite the MILF. My sister is a wonderful, generous (she let me move into her house, duh she's generous) amazing human being. She and BIL are raising three fantastic children, two dogs, and now they've taken me on. This woman was all the inspiration I needed to get myself on the right track for shaping up. She is already a HUGE inspiration in my life and she just keeps on getting better. One of the best things about being up here is the fact that I'm here for myself. To focus on ME and what it's going to take to become the best version of myself possible. Having my sister here to continually encourage and inspire me is all I need to make the freshest start possible.

PS: This is what I look like right now. I know, I'm adorable right? So it can only get better from here :)